living (thinking) from your heart

[image found via weheartit]

StoryCorps has always been one of my favorite Podcasts from NPR. Not only do I firmly believe the truth of their tagline, "Every voice matters" but I think that everyone has a story and every story should have a platform to be told. Some of my greatest memories in life thus far have been listening to the stories of my grandparents and how they lived way before I came along. 

Listening to this podcast I was particularly touched and needed to share it with you all. It features Bob Patterson and his wife Karen and was recorded in Los Angeles in partnership with the memory loss initiative. Bob was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 2008 and Karen has been by his side as his partner and caretaker every step of the way. Bob speaks here about how the disease has changed him. 

"Bob: I feel like I’m the same person but I know that I’m kind of a big load to deal with (laughing).

Karen: You know how we talk sometimes about who we really are, what is our essence. Memories are not who you are.

Bob: Well, I…I think, one thing that I experience with Alzheimer’s is I live in the moment cause I, can’t remember what happened yesterday. I can’t remember what happened 10 minutes ago. But I’m much more present I think.

Karen: Do you think about the future?

Bob: I know that there is probably a bad time that comes in the future. This disease gets more wicked. But, I don’t obsess on it and I just do a nice job of ignoring it.

Karen: With this disease you’ve moved from somebody that lived in their head a lot to somebody that lives in your heart.

Bob: The head is an overstated organ (chuckles along with Karen).  The heart is where all the action is.  And I can remember things that occur in my heart much better than things that occur in my head…having fun with the kids, laughing, our new grandchild.

Karen: Speaking of this new grandchild; is there something that you’d like him to know?

Bob: (getting choked up) I would like him to know that I feel in love with him the first time I saw him in the hospital (voice very weak).  And every time I see that sweet little face, just makes me feel good. I’m looking forward to, uh, hanging with him and teaching him things that I think are really important.  That’s my job for the rest of my life.

Karen: I don’t know if you even remember this but once we were listening to a book on tape and it talked about the greatest thing you could do if you loved somebody was hope that you (getting choked up) would be the one that was left. And that you would be the one, that could care for your lover. You are not alone. And I’m honored that I’m the one that could care for you (spoken through tears). I always will.

Bob: You always have (spoken through tears). Thank you."

The love that these two share is more than apparent and I loved listening to how they related to each other but also how they see the disease. I love that her perspective is that it is not memories that make you who you are, it is your essence. I love that his perspective is that the disease allows him to be more in the moment and to live from his heart and not his head. 

our [2009] wedding

I shared our proposal story (it can be found here alongside the story of our first kiss), KC's version, a while back. With today being Valentine's Day I figured I should share some more of our story. Today you get the chapter of our wedding, in pictures...

I got ready with my girls at the Huntley in Santa Monica. The hotel is gorgeous and the staff helpful. The second you walk into the lobby and smell the amazing gardenia & white lily candles you know you are in for a treat. The morning of our wedding my girls and I got up and went for a walk through Santa Monica to have brunch at Jack & Jill's. Then we walked back to the hotel for champagne, hair, and makeup... 

[the garter that my grandmother made and my mother wore as well...my something blue]

[all ready to go...just need to put the dress on]

[mom, me and carly; maid of honor, sister, most importantly...friend]

My grandpa, who I was extremely close to, passed away unexpectedly two weeks before my wedding. It was very important to me that he be incorporated into my wedding in every way possible. 

[my grandpa's wedding ring worn as a bracelet]

In my opinion having family and close friends stand alongside you on your wedding day is almost as important as the vows you make. It has proven beneficial to have had the people in my life who know me, support me and love me as we took  the leap of faith that marriage is. Without these people in my life to share the last few years of extreme joy with my husband, I would not have been as happy as I am. Joy is multiplied when it is shared.  

[my three closest friends from college at UCLA...left to right; deb, christy, christine]

My closest girlfriends from the first stages of life through college...

[left to right; christine, katharine, tawni, christy, ME, carly, deb, dana]

[my HOT husband]

 For multiple reasons we did A LOT of our wedding on our own. One reason was the obvious, that it is more budget friendly. Another is that when you get two highly creative people together that is just what happens. And yet another is that as creative as the two of us are we also have a lot of creative people in our lives who were able to help in ways that made us realize we could not have done it alone. 

[after seeing an adorable pair of little girls flat in J.Crew I made this pair of sparkly flats with vintage buttons and velvet ribbon for my now niece and our flower girl...Luli]

I am beyond blessed to have great men in my life! I am convinced that without the great dad I had I would not have had my heart as set on finding the perfect man for me. My dad is everything I girl wants in a dad and more. He told me stories and had me laughing the whole way down the aisle.

Then there is this adorable man. What can I say...he loves love and I love him!

And the two of them together...

I will never forget this moment and I have told every woman I know whose gotten married after me that this is the moment you should live for. After so much planning, and things that were unplanned as well, this is when everything slips away and you realize that the man standing at the end of the aisle is all that matters. Pure JOY!

There were lots of laughs along the way of our pastor retelling our love story.

[along with all the things that we'd made for our big day were these
floral arches that I made with my parents...manzanita branches, peonies and orchids galore!]

After our vows and the "you may now kiss the bride" we walked away to Stevie Wonder's Signed, Sealed, Delivered...

Me and my grandma (my namesake)! I will never forget going through these weeks with her. Standing with her alongside the hospital bed while we took her husband of almost 60 years of life support and then walking down the aisle two weeks later. As my dad and I got to the front of the aisle there she was, the first person on my left. The moment she saw me she had tears in her eyes and she said to me, "You look so beautiful!" Being able to share that moment with her was priceless to me. 

Me with my perfect man as the sun set. 

We were driven to the reception by my dad in my parents' 1963 Dodge Dart.

When we arrived at the reception site we had a few moments alone to take it all in. We toasted to us in the back seat of the car while we waited to be introduced as man and wife. 

The tables we set ourselves...centerpieces we made and bottles of wine that were also the table numbers that KC designed and we labeled.

Another thing that we were so happy to have as part of our day was the cake topper that my grandparents used on their wedding cake. When my mom was a young adult my grandma gave it to her in hopes that she would use it on her wedding cake one day. She did have it on her cake when she married my dad and we were so happy to have it on our cake too! (Our classic cake from Vanilla in Santa Monica alongside a photo of my grandparents cutting their wedding cake.) 

A great toast from my dad...I love this photo!

My sister and Luli getting down on the dance floor. As soon as we got to the reception site Luli changed into the terry cloth hooded robe I got her...the tulle was driving her nuts. It was too cute have photos of her running around in it. 

After months of KC taunting me that he was going to smash cake in my face and me pleading with him to promise not to he politely gave me a taste of cake, no smashing involved and all he ended up with was a dollop of icing on the tip of his nose. The last thing I wanted was to be in the restroom getting cake out of my hair and off my face after all the time spent getting ready. 

My favorite wedding expense for sure was a classic photo booth.  There was nothing digital about this booth. It was a refurbished, mini-darkroom enclosed, long back and white photos produced, booth of fun for us and our guests. We asked guests to "take one, leave one", a favor for them, and one for us. We now have a triptych on the wall of our living room with all our photos together. The best money we've spent...original, personalized, one-of-a-kind artwork. 

It was the best beginning to the greatest life together!

thoughts on love...

I figured that it was only appropriate to share some of my favorite quotes about love...

“If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaky feeling you’ll find that love actually is all around us.”  

Hugh Grant in Love Actually

“Love is the passionate dance between two hearts. It is to believe in the dream, and together make it real.”  

Sylvana Rossetti

“Love is a force that connects us to every strand of the universe, an unconditional state that characterizes human nature, a form of knowledge that is always there for us if only we can open ourselves to it.”  

Emily H. Sell

“The devotion and love of a friend are feelings to prize and protect.”

Unknown

“I don’t want another pretty face, I don’t want just anyone to hold, I don’t want my love to go to waste, I want you and your beautiful soul.”

Beautiful Soul by Jesse McCartney

"To love is good, too: love being difficult. For one human being to love another: that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks, the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation. For this reason young people, who are beginners in everything, cannot yet know love: they have to learn it. With their whole being, with all their forces, gathered close about their lonely, timid, upward-beating heart, they must learn to love. But learning-time is always a long, secluded time, and so loving, for a long while ahead and far on into life, is--solitude, intensified and deepened loneness for him who loves. Love is at first not anything that means merging, giving over, and uniting with another (for what would a union be of something unclarified and unfinished, still subordinate--?), it is a high inducement to the individual to ripen, to become something in himself for another's sake, it is a great exacting claim upon him, something that chooses him out and calls him to vast things." 

from The Prophet by Kahlil Gilbran

"But let there be spaces in your togetherness.

And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:

Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.

Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.

Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,

Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow." 

also from The Prophet by Kahlil Gilbran

"He loves each one of us, as if there were only one of us."

     St. Augustine of Hippo

"To be grateful is to recognize the love of God in everything He

has given us -- and He has given us everything.  Every breath we

draw is a gift of His love."

     Thomas Merton

"You know you are in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."

Dr. Seuss

"Sometimes your nearness thames my breath away; and all the things I want to say can find no voice. Then, in silence I can only hope my eyes will speak my heart."

Robert Sexton

"There is only one happiness in life; to love and be loved."

George Sand

"If a hug represented how much I loved you, I would hold you in my arms forever."

Mandy Hampton

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because that is what love is. Love is not breathless, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned awe, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident."

Louis de Bernieres

"True love begins when nothing is expected in return."

Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Now take this inspiration and go love the people in your life!

xo

peas in a pod

You know when someone takes a picture at dinner, and both of your reactions is to make a face, that you were,

in fact, made for each other. 

found my heart in san francisco

So after our trip to San Francisco last weekend, I decided to share our proposal story and photos with you. It all went down in April of 2008. Here is the story from my husband's perspective, as written by him the week after our proposal. It's a long one so grab yourself a coffee (morning readers) or a glass of wine (nighttime readers). I hope you enjoy...

Well my latest adventure took me to the mean streets of San Francisco, where unbeknownst to my beautiful and unsuspecting girlfriend Chanel, I planned a surprise engagement for her. Under the guise of a meet and greet business trip, my lovely and I were to fly into San Francisco mid-day Friday for a few days of fun and exploration followed by a big client dinner and hobnob Saturday night. Chanel had agreed to go with me in hopes of being able to catch up with her good friend from college, now living in S.F., and celebrate her birthday with her, which was on Sunday. Her girlfriend was in on the surprise and, risking their friendship, told Chanel she had last minute family plans, and had to go to Lake Tahoe for the weekend. Disappointed and frustrated yet still supportive, Chanel was willing to still come along for the ride. Thank God. After arriving and checking in we grabbed a car provided by the hotel and struck out to examine the intricacies and obscurities of San Francisco's Japantown... Wait, you mean Chinatown right? Nope the benignly unknown and completely off the beaten path, where no one would know us, neighborhood of Japantown. 

Not being able to write the script any better, our driver missed the street we were meant to turn on and we rounded the next corner to back track to our destination.  Somehow we accidentally ran right into Chanel’s girlfriend, who was supposedly out of town, along with 4 other of Chanel's closest friends, that where there for the surprise, getting into a cab on the most random street corner possible. As Chanel propelled herself out of our moving car screaming in rhythmic beats “(Friend)?!?!---Pull over!---(Friend) is that you?!"  The blood rushed out of my head and extremities and all I could think to do was pretend it wasn't happening and proceed to ask the driver at the top of my lungs, "...so is that a 6 speaker sound system you got going there, cause it sounded fantastic... Bose right?" I then start pointing profusely at inanimate objects around the car to try and divert her attention. "Baby did you see that door handle, no seriously check it out I think it's kevlar..."  At that point, it was in the driver's best interest to do as my rightfully confused and borderline violent girlfriend was exclaiming and pull the car over. Thank God it was Chanel’s friend’s birthday weekend, and the girls were quick on the uptake to make the potentially devastating encounter all about her friend and divert the attention off Chanel. The girls told Chanel that the real surprise was that we were all supposed to meet for her friend’s birthday dinner and a special girls ‘night reunion, sort of a reverse surprise party. And I was along for the ride with work obligations. A two-for-one. And that we just happened to circumvent the “SURPRISE” part by a couple of hours... Sure I'll go with that, I had no idea how I was supposed to fit into girls’ night out but at that point I was willing to squeeze into Chanel's pumps to pull this thing off (insert your own bald designer in San Francisco joke here). The girls managed to make Chanel feel assured of the agenda and we ended up having an amazing unexpected night out with good friends, even without me in drag... 

[about to head out for the night]

The next day, as Chanel and I killed some time before "my big client business dinner," several more groups of friends and family equipped with a massive banner, arrived in San Fran. 

[adventuring around the city]

They loaded a chartered trolley and posted up on Pier 29 right about the time when Chanel and I happened to be "discovering" Coit Tower and the views of the city from above. 

[while they were getting off the trolley in front of pier 29, KC and I were up in that tower]

Completely exhausted from way too many emotional pump fakes, as well as sacrificially jumping on some unexpected sake bombs the night before; I took out a pair of binoculars that were conveniently packed in my bag. We gazed out over the city's natural and architectural wonders for what seemed like several torturous hours (it was about 12 minutes) allowing all the pieces on the street below to be moved into place. As I pointed out various monuments and landmarks I could see that the crew in the trolley was in position and I eagerly encouraged Chanel to, "look down at those crazy people on the street with that massive sign!" 

[all of our friends and family holding up the HUGE sign..."Chanel, K.C. has a question"]

Upon reading it through the binocs, she finally realized what was happening as she turned from the window back to me, already on my knee, where I was able to tell her how I feel about her and asked her if she would marry me. 

She said yes.

Several hugs, kisses and text messages later, the trolley with everyone aboard came and picked us up. 

[everyone on the trolley]

[Coit Tower behind us]

We popped a few bottles of champagne and had a few toasts, took a little tour of the city and its sights, and then had an amazing dinner and celebration. We followed it up the next day with an all group excursion into Chinatown and the best Chinese food I've ever eaten (House of Nanking on Kearny).... 

Nanking]

I was insanely thankful to all that helped pull it off. It was an amazing weekend of perfect weather, ridiculously epic scenarios, friends, family and a stunning new fiancée.

Obviously my story differs from his some, being the girl on the other side of this. And, since I am not him, I can say that he nailed it with this one. There were so many amazing details that he left out and the amount of planning and love that he poured into this weekend proved that I would be a very blessed girl to spend the rest of my life with him. Now we get to live out that blessing. Life is good.

I love having all these photos from our proposal but from all of them, this might be my favorite...check out that sign. Ha ha!

I hope that you liked reading the story and seeing the pictures as much as I did getting to relive it!