Be in clear communication with the new mama. Check in with her and see how she is doing, feeling, sleeping, eating. This is show you how to can best help her. Let her know that you would love to visit when the family is ready to have you. You'll be invited when she's ready. If you have kids of your own, ask her if she would like you to leave them at home with dad or if she minds you bringing along. If she says she'd rather you come alone, don't be offended. After 40 weeks of love, care, attention to detail, and growth, followed by labor and delivery she will (and should) feel that her only care in the world is protecting her littlest love.
be the host even in their home
Even though they didn't come into your place, act the host. Come to visit with all the offerings you would give someone in your own home. Keep things clean, cozy, and quiet. Offer food, flowers, and drink (even alcoholic). Let her eat, drink, and be without any assumption that she will be let to cook, clean, etc.
know when you aren't welcome
I cannot stress this one enough. (And really, it doesn't just go for new babies.) Sickness of ANY kind should give you pause and cause you to stay put. I am not just talking if you are sick. I'm talking if you, your kids, your husband, your child's caregivers...ANY ONE near you. Sometimes you can be the "carrier" even if you don't show any symptoms. Think along the lines of, if someone close to you has been sick, wait to visit the new little life.
bring food
When you are settling into life as a new family it is often hard to imagine caring for anyone besides the teeniest little member. Sometimes this means food is an after thought. Huge problem for a mommy who needs to stay fed herself and an even bigger problem for a nursing mommy who is using up lots of precious calories producing nourishment for her baby. Long story short...bring all kinds of food. Bring food to share together on your visit (breakfast, lunch, dinner or snacks), bring any groceries they might need (ask her to text you a list), and you can also bring prepared food for the family to toss in the oven for dinner to enjoy together rather than have to motivate to make it or order something in. All in all, everyone has got to eat so help the mama out. (If you have a group of people wanting to bring the new family food, try out an organizing app like
Meal Train.)
be her extra hands
Do everything you might do in your own home; do the dishes, wipe down the counters, do the laundry, take out the trash and recyclables, fluff the pillows, make the bed. Anything you can possibly think off to bring order and peace to their home and also doesn't cross any boundaries in your relationship. A pretty good way to check the boundaries are to ask yourself, "would I be comfortable if she did this for me?" Also, not everyone makes their bed, et cetera, everyday. Do the orderly things that you remember being done when you came over before the baby. If making the bed isn't her thing, leave it ready to jump back into instead.
listen closely
If you listen intently to what she is saying you will hear just what she needs. (This goes for texts, emails, phone calls, however you have communicated before your visit.) If she says, "I am SO exhausted!", offer to hold the baby while she takes a little nap. If she says, "I can't get anything done!", see be her hands above and get going. If she says, "I feel trapped inside all day", bring a little picnic for the backyard and/or see if she is up for a little walk to get some fresh air. If she says, "I haven't bathed in days...", offer to give the little love cuddles while she takes a shower. If she says, "I can't even feed myself, I'm so consumed with taking care of her/him.", see bring food above.
watch your words and keep the peaceful silence
Rather than saying just anything, be slow to talk. Let the calm, peace, slow fill the air and don't feel that the silence needs to be filled. A new baby has a special way of stopping time and making nothing else matter in the world. Soak it up while visiting. Even when you mean well, everything is sensitive during the days after bringing a new baby home so be cautious in offer up suggestions. A good rule of thumb is to wait to be asked for advice before you offer it. Be full of compliments and exclamations like, "wow, you've done really well", "you look like a natural mommy", "you're adapting well to this new role", but, as always don't say anything you don't mean.
love on mom...not just the babe
Of course the new little love is the reason for visiting but babies get LOTS of attention and though there's no doubt they feel the love, we know they won't remember it. A new mommy however, will remember the love and care you show to her in those early days after she brings her baby home. Bring her a little something, tell her amazing compliments, give her a massage. She will forever be a mommy, forever putting someone else's everything in front of her anything. Give what you can to her, she deserves it. And the love you fill her up with, she will fill her babe up with.
don't overstay
Some of the first days and weeks after having a baby, just existing can be such work. Just talking can feel like entertaining and being social can be exhausting. Once you've given what you came to share (food, flowers, gifts, etc), listened to mom vent any stories she feels she needs to and ask any questions she has, and loved on them both you should feel ready to go. Although you don't need to run in and rush out don't stay so long that the mommy will feel spent once you leave. The early days when a family has become brand new by adding a new little member are precious. They are sacred and there is nothing like the love in those days. Allow them to relish in that.
